Why People Avoid Counselling?
Here are 7 main reasons why people do so
1. What’s happening in my life is my business and not others to interfere
Your life and your choices have a great impact on others around you. In fact when someone truly feels that their life has no influence on anyone else, that’s often when they seek counselling! With such a belief people cannot live functionally. They would use this belief to avoid seeking help through counselling.
2. The issue is far beyond reach if I need to get counselling.
This is like saying that if you break your arm, you might as well go ahead and get both of them amputated. It would be far better to find out specifically what is wrong and fix it.
3. I don’t believe Counselling will work
Sometimes it is true and there are reasons to it. Most of the time when counselling doesn’t work, it is because the client resists the process, and even damages it.
4. There is really no way to know what’s happening inside of people.
It is true that people are hard to understand but there are many proven ways of helping them make adjustments in order to help them live more peacefully and comfortably. It is also not true that relationships are mysterious. Relationships are built on principles that can be understood, and if one understands the principles, one largely understands relationships.
5. Counsellors are quacks (fake)
Of course some are. Every profession has quacks in it. But every profession also has its share of highly skilled professionals. Use at least as much care when selecting a counsellor as you would in choosing your doctor for a surgery
6. Counselling is for crazy people
This is not true. A huge value of seeing a counsellor for most people is hearing a trained professional tell them that they are not crazy. People usually fear they are alone and that no one has ever had this problem to this degree, and it’s almost never true. Problems are common to everybody.
7. I went to counselling once and it didn’t help.
Once? What does that mean? How long did you go? It usually takes many years to get to a place where we are stuck, and can often take many, many months to get out of it. Were you seeing a trained and experienced professional? Were you open to the process? Did you do the exercises that were suggested? Were you working harder than your therapist, or were you just waiting to get fixed? Were you just putting in your time so you could tell people you tried everything? Did you go to work on yourself, or to make sure the counsellor understood that others were to blame?
At some point in our lives we will experience situations and emotions that we cannot make sense of with a whole host of feelings, which may include feeling lost, alone and confused, depressed and anxious, stressed, angry and frustrated or even fearful and terrified. This can make us feel helpless and stuck.
Well, how can we make sense of something we cannot understand? How can we move forward when we have lost any sense of purpose and meaning?
Professional Counselling with a trained counsellor aims to assist people in times of such distress.
How does a counsellor help?
A counsellor mainly helps to get a clear overview of the problem, as the basis for finding ways forward.
For some people, just the opportunity to talk to someone being non-judgemental, caring and supportive is enough to help them re-engage with their own coping resources. For many others, a more detailed attention on what has gone wrong and how to put it right might be indicated.
Always being honest with the counsellor about whether the counselling sessions feel helpful or not is a useful way to help your counsellor clarify what you want and work in a collaborative process with you.
Below are some examples of the aims of counselling:
• It offers a safe environment to reflect and begin to make sense of the confusion and worry that we could find ourselves in.
• It helps us explore deeper on what is troubling us and to realise what the underlying issues may be.
• It inspires us to take an authentic look at our current thoughts, feelings and behaviours that could be preventing us from moving forward.
• It aids us to find ways of changing devastating emotions in a way that might take us to a harmless and more secure place, where we all desire to be.
• It is an opportunity for us to understand and learn about ourselves so that we can take control of and be responsible for our lives. By doing so, we find purpose and meaning in a way that will compliment our true selves.
Professional trained counsellor use skills and experience gained over the years in helping their clients to work through this process in a respectful, supportive and impartial manner.
Approaches in Counselling
Talking about the Counselling approach, there are many theories and approaches to counselling and counsellors are trained either in one or multiple orientation which they approach in their counselling sessions.
Generally, the person seeking help may not have a choice over which type of counselling is offered – although some services are able to offer a choice. However, all counsellors will tailor what they offer to suit it to what you need. Here are the main three approaches generally used in Counselling although there are over 40 different theories and approaches in counselling
Here the focus is on patterns of relationship, often helpful in understanding how early experiences might be affecting one in the present. This is especially helpful for disentangling ‘baggage’ which may be holding one back in their current relationships and attitudes to others. Understanding how current attitudes and habits of interrelating with others are caught up in old hurts can help free to choose more constructive ways forward.
In this approach the focus is on the person which respects individual uniqueness and steers clear of any form of advice, desiring to support the person in finding their own meanings and solutions. This is especially useful when someone is in need of care, non-judgemental support and an impartial space where one can get things off their chest.
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT)
Here the focus of Counselling is on solution and action-focused, especially helpful in tackling unhelpful thinking habits. This has a strong evidence for effectiveness in treating both depression and anxiety. This lends itself well to self-help and so can be used alongside other approaches to counselling. This requires commitment and willingness to carry out ‘homework’ tasks and work towards agreed goals.
Most of the counsellors integrate aspects of each of these approaches, rather than working in only one way. This is especially true in the context of the short-term, focused approach that most counsellors use in universities and colleges.